Watch Out for Master Roshi
by The Fellow Marauder
Summary: Goten and Trunks go to Goku for a story. The Saiyan then weaves a horrific tale of an old man, using a Christmas carol to become a Peeping Tom. Very funny. Really. Inspired, in part, by kahtusamie. REVIEW!


Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. That simple enough? No liability for me? No biting the ninja?

Based on the lyrics to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

"Dad!" Goten cried, running into his livingroom with Trunks at his heels. "Dad, tell us a story!"

Goku looked up from the TV to see his son and Vegeta's son bouncing up and down in anticipation. "Yeah, tell us a story, Goku!" Trunks aided. The Saiyan laughed and agreed to the boy's request.

"Alright. I'll tell you a story."

"Yayyy!" Goten and Trunks cheered, jumping onto the couch, each one on the opposite side of Son Goku.

"This is a true story, you two. It happened many years ago..." Goku began eerily. Both Trunks and Goent leaned in to get a better earful. Smiling, Goku continued. "There was an old man who went around every year to hand out presents."

"Daaad," Goten sighed lamely. "Not a Santa Clasu story!"

"Who said anything about Santa Claus?" Goku asked, confused. "I didn't say anything."

"But he's the only person who comes 'round once a year to hand out toys to children."

"I didn't say anything about _children_, either." Goku smiled. "So hush, and listen. This old man was old, a bit hunched over, and round around the belly. With a beard white as snow."

"Santa." Trunks said.

"Not Santa." Goku objected. "Because this guy had no hair. Now, unlike the joly St. Nick, people feared this man. They used to play off the world to a well-known Christmas tune. There was always someone who would sing it, to warn the neighborhood that he was coming, so they could hide."

"What was the song, dad?"

"I'm getting to that, son." Goku replied. "Despite the fact that this song sounded joyful, it was creepy. The old man, however, was proud of this tune. He thought it was a tribute from everyone to him, so he eventually leanred the words and hummed it to himself."

"This sounds too made up." Trunks critisized.

"It's a true story, Trunks."

"How do you know it's true? You'll believe anything."

Goku glared defensively. "Will not."

The lavender-haired boy rolled his eyes. "You believed me when my dad said that the mice of the world were on rampage."

"He was mistaken."

"You believed Piccolo when he told Krillen the sky was falling. You freaked out and tried to hold it up."

"..."

"And you believed Chi-Chi when-"

"Alright!" Goku exclaimed, flushed with embarrassment. "May be, but I saw this man with my own eyes. So listen to the story and shuddup." Satisfied that he had the two quiet, Goku commenced. "One day, he was caught heading this way. We heard the song being cried out, and both Chi-Chi and I tensed up. You were little more than a baby then, son, so you would not remember. Chi-Chi went to protect you, while I waited for a sudden attack. I could hear his humming of his beloved song as he came up the walkway... I could see his bald head through the window... I could hear the slapping of his sandles against the stones..." Trunks and Goten were hanging on every word. "And when the door opened, the fiend broke out into song."

"What did he sing, dad?" Asked an awestuck Goten.

"'You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not shout, I'm tellin' you why: Master Roshi's coming to town."

"Master Roshi?" Exclaimed the two in latent boredom.Goku kept singing as if he had not been interrupted.

"He knows when you are bathing. He knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been bad or good, so be bad for Roshi's sake.' And he made his way to your room, Goten,"

"You can stop now, dad." But Goku was too caught up in the story.

"And when he opened the door, there stood Chi-Chi. She had been undressing; changing into another outfit when the pervert walked in. Well, he got just what he wanted. And also what he deserved. Chi-Chi flipped and stromped him hard into the ground."

"So mom defeated Master Roshi?"

"Well..." Goku stated. "It's easy to defeat him when he's distracted by women."

"Thanks for the tip, dad." Goten said drawly.

"Yeah. Nice story, Goku." Trunks added, his voice in monotone as well. The two friends got up and walked out of the livingroom to find something more entertaining. Satisfied that he had given his son what he asked for, Goku sat back on the couch, watching TV again. After several moments, he started to hum the tune of the very song he had been singing.

Not too long afterwards, Goku heard a loud burst of song. "He knows when you've been bad or good, so be bad for Roshi's sake!" followed by an "Eeek!" and then a "You jerk!" and a "Take that!" and another "Take that!" and "Take that! And that!" Each 'take that' was proceeded with an exclamation of pain. All Goku did was smile knowingly.

"I knew that kame would be back. Always trying to get a glimpse at Chi-Chi. Haha."

FIN!

. . . okay, so I haven't seen DBZ in, like, forever. I apologize for the early Christmas-relatedness of it. You have my deepest apologies. Review anyway. Do it now! Before the buzzer goes off! DO IT!


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